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Expiration Date - MegaZone's Safety Valve
The Ramblings of a Damaged Mind
zonereyrie
zonereyrie
Expiration Date
Wouldn't it be nice to know when you're going to die? I mean, I could die tomorrow and I'd probably go out thinking "Well, I wish I hasn't wasted the time at work and trying to prepare for the future and all, and had fun instead." OK, so that would probably be before "Ack---wheeze--rattle--pheh", or whatever. Anyway, you slave away at shit in the belief that it will be worth it. That there is some point to it and that you will have some reward for your labor in the end. That's the only thing that keeps me going I suppose. I know I wouldn't be working by *choice*. If I came into a shit load of money I wouldn't keep working. Not like this. I'd work, sure - take on interesting projects to keep my mind occupied, learn new things, solve interesting problems, etc. But I'd set my own schedule and goals instead of clawing for each paycheck to shove the money from the in box to the out box, and then do it again in two weeks.

So if I knew when I was going to die, I'd plan for it. I like having deadlines, no pun intended. Near the end, presuming I wasn't dying of something wasting (in which case I'd rather move up the check out time, if you know what I mean), I'd just say fuck it and go have fun. Why do I care what I die with? Spend it, have a big party, but shit for my friends, leave nothing for the state to tax in estate taxes and no heirs to get screwed by them.

There is a certain romantic attraction to the idea of walking away from your burdens in life, enjoying yourself for as long as you can, then punching your own ticket when the ride is over. But I don't think I'm capable of doing that (anymore at least, I think maybe I could've ten years ago), so it'd be nice to know when I'm going to check out so I can plan ahead. Have my own wake!

So, that's my head today - sex and death. I just keep thinking about sex and death.

I am: empty
Current Media: The Sisters of Mercy - No Time To Cry

8 STDOUT || STDIN
Comments
z_gryphon From: z_gryphon Date: September 15th, 2003 06:09 pm (UTC) (Direct Link)
I just keep thinking about sex and death.

Who doesn't?

Well, except for the Dalai Lama, I suppose.

But I bet he does too, and just doesn't tell anybody about it.
pawo From: pawo Date: September 15th, 2003 09:06 pm (UTC) (Direct Link)
Well, Buddhists talk about death seemingly all the time, but I think you must have missed this story when it hit the papers recently:
Dalai Lama: I've Missed Sex
z_gryphon From: z_gryphon Date: September 15th, 2003 09:20 pm (UTC) (Direct Link)
you know, for a second, I thought you were making that up.
pawo From: pawo Date: September 15th, 2003 09:46 pm (UTC) (Direct Link)
The more you know about the world, the less need there is to invent jokes. :)
From: iwascaite Date: September 15th, 2003 06:49 pm (UTC) (Direct Link)
You would be surprised at exactly how much other people will hate you for doing it, if you ever do.

It was not fun toward the end of the year we both took off, wondering if either of us would ever get past the preliminary interviews when several hundred people applied for the same jobs, but the worst part really was the constant belittling comments from other people. I know they were envious and bitter, but it made dealing with other people a vile, hideous experience until I just wanted to hide.

Maybe you cannot imagine it, but all I can hear is the running commentary about "when you decide to grow up and take responsibility." And do not ever assume people would even be sorry once they found out you were doing it as a precursor to known death.

Somehow it was irresponsible for us to take time off when we had money saved and needed to do so, and every single person felt entitled to tell us off until we started to lie and make up jobs we had when people asked.

If you do decide ever that you are going to take serious time off, I recommend that you tell people a truly pitiful tale about downsizing, your seven children that you cannot feed and whatever else seems woeful enough to include, because planning ahead and taking time for yourself paints you as a target for other people's hatred.
mindways From: mindways Date: September 16th, 2003 06:26 am (UTC) (Direct Link)

Different experience

Hm - I got some of that when I took a year and a half off, but not nearly the level that you're describing - and mostly envy, with very little bitterness. I'd guess it really depends on the people in question.

[Although it could be that the comparison I used - "Instead of saving up and buying myself a stereo, I saved up and bought myself a vacation" - got it through the heads of those inclined to be bitter. :-]

The job-hunt at the end of it wasn't grand; having been unemployed for that long combined with the tech job market meant that (as far as I could tell) my resume usually got weeded out in the first pass - but when it didn't (generally due to contacts), once I got in the door, it wasn't much of a problem. Of course, I'd been doing personal projects during that time, so I wasn't completely rusty, which helped.
From: iwascaite Date: September 16th, 2003 04:36 pm (UTC) (Direct Link)

Re: Different experience

Um, yeah. I realize that if I were more diplomatic and apologetic I would not have made myself a target. "No neither of us is working currently." Seemed like a polite enough way of saying that. It apparently is not when unaccompanied by extremely woeful expressions. I kept getting, "Oh I should have come to you when my kids needed school supplies." As if having children you cannot afford is responsible compared to taking a year off intentionally when you have saved for it. Somehow my personal frugality takes food out of the mouths of children (seems like we know who should be apologizing for that, and it is not me).

I cannot win this game of politeness. You are not supposed to tell people all your problems and you are supposed to be stoic about it. But as soon as you present a situation without the apologetic padding, people are all over you for that too. Yes I am bitter about it. I did not want other people intruding on my personal business. If I were taking a year off because I was dying, that would be even more true. Now that I have experience, I will make up my stories beforehand so I can be prepared.
blackcoat From: blackcoat Date: September 15th, 2003 09:53 pm (UTC) (Direct Link)
This would explain why your fictional avatar has a daughter with Death, no?
8 STDOUT || STDIN