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Yeah, I'm still up... - MegaZone's Safety Valve
The Ramblings of a Damaged Mind
zonereyrie
zonereyrie
Yeah, I'm still up...
So after I finished up working last night I got into personal email - to find two of the lists I'm on had exploded, the AX Staff list and the AnimeCons list. And it was stuff I was interested/involved in, so I spent a while replying to a lot of stuff. Plus that was my chance to catch up on the day's LJ posts, which was quite a few. I'd been feeling kind of 'off' mentally/emotionally since the afternoon, and I think the con politics aggravated that a bit.

I decided to catch 2 Fast, 2 Furious at 00:40. I probably shouldn't have bothered, it isn't a very good movie. I didn't expect it to be great, I figured it'd be nice eye candy with some good car chases, races, etc. It was mediocre eye candy, and I found many of the car scenes, well, *dull*. Plus there was a lack of a suspension of disbelief for me - people get committing MAJOR moving violations, being caught, but then they'd be around later in the film and I'm like "Why aren't they in jail?" And the stupid car tazers, ugh... Yes, I know about the real-world systems that use similar principles - they're still in R&D and they're not so, well, stupid. The 'tension' they tried to create with them in one scene just made me wish the damn scene would end.

You know, fuck it, the movie just plain sucked. The car scenes were uninspiring, the characters were unlikable, the expected sex scenes never happened - the whole movie is just a tease that never delivers. Don't go see it. Don't bother renting it.

Anyway, I took the long way home because I was still feeling off and I thought driving would help. Well, while cruising around I was overwhelmed by several feelings:
- I very, very badly didn't want to be alone. I wanted there to be someone with me, someone to talk to, someone just to be there as a presence. But it was 3AM, I live alone, and I didn't think anyone I knew would be about. And this wasn't something that could be handled by IRC, IM, or even the phone. It wasn't just to chat with someone, but to be with someone *in person* - real human contact.
- I really wanted feminine companionship. No, I don't mean I was horny, and this was a distinct feeling from the first. I just wanted a woman (SO, friend) to hug and hold. Odd, it isn't the kind of thing I normally get struck with that strongly.
- I felt, well, lost I suppose. Don't know what I really want overall, don't know where I'm going in life.
- I had a kind of flashback to my days at WPI, when I'd drive around Worcester in the middle of the night to think. I was struck with a longing to go back to the way things were then, when almost everyone who was important in my life were concentrated in one area. When I was surrounded by my friends, pretty much literally, and there was always someone around at nearly any hour of the day or night.

It left me feeling very scrambled and melancholy, and that's lingered. I didn't feel like going to bed, so I've just stayed up, but my batteries are dead now and I'm physically exhausted and crashing.

I might go to the housewarming tonight, but I'm not sure what to bring - I'm terrible on social things like that.

I am: melancholy melancholy
Current Media: TiVo: Airport

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Comments
jehanna From: jehanna Date: June 7th, 2003 04:06 am (UTC) (Direct Link)
Blah. I know just how you feel.

I didn't stay up all night, but as usual my attempt at sleep did not go very well.

Come to the housewarming if you like, receive hugs. Oh, and if you want to bring something, I was told some beer or similar booze would be welcome.
lucasthegray From: lucasthegray Date: June 7th, 2003 04:48 am (UTC) (Direct Link)
The only thing you need to bring is yourself. Anything else is bonus, but completely unnecessary.
broken_gizmo From: broken_gizmo Date: June 7th, 2003 05:31 am (UTC) (Direct Link)
*big hugs*

I wish I could have been there for you, if I would have fit the bill. I could have used the same.

Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you.
From: iwascaite Date: June 7th, 2003 04:23 pm (UTC) (Direct Link)
It's a housewarming. Bringing a plant is easy and this is a good time for that. I got a cute little "shamrock" plant 7 years ago and it's still around. I still think of the people who gave it to us. I saw the same plants in a store later, $4, but I wouldn't have bought it for myself. The money isn't the point, the point is to bring something to bind them to their house and their community, which is what you're supposed to be celebrating.

I usually try to find something that will fit the tradition of that saying that says something about bread so you will never be hungry, salt so your life will always have flavor. Which I heard on television so I don't remember it accurately. We sent (a relative) a box of soy crackers and ancho chili powder. She sent us an actual letter thanking us, not just an email. She is weird though. In any case you could borrow the idea.

Often I bring cookies. That's very selfish of me though, it's because I like to eat them and will not make them just for myself. It's too late now, but if you want the recipe for coconut oatmeal cookies, let me know.
chiieddy From: chiieddy Date: June 9th, 2003 06:46 am (UTC) (Direct Link)

ACML

Yeah, I got back from 24 hours in Nashville (don't ask) to find that I have > 62 messages from ACML to read through. It took me most of Saturday morning.
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