November 2nd, 2003

Zoner en fuego!

Visions

Lately I've been having really vivid daydream/vision things. Usually when driving, but not always. Generally they're of myself, dead. Driving home the other night I saw myself somehow wrecking my car on I290 and ending up going off the road and landing in Lake Quinsig, and drowning. Very clearly. It was interesting. At first it made me feel kind of peaceful - a kind of "Well, it's over". But then I'd see the people in my life, like my parents, and it'd hurt to think that they might hurt because of my death. It is like some part of my brain is saying "Wouldn't it be nice if it was just done with?" and some other part is saying "Yeah, but then it'd suck for these other people." Sometimes I think that's the whole point of life - trying to minimize how much you make other people's lives suck.
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