January 18th, 2004

Screwed!

Torque-d off

OK, I did go see the new film Torque tonight. It is basically intended to be The Fast and the Furious for superbikes.

Have you seen The Fast and the Furious? Have you seen 2 Fast, 2 Furious? Do you remember how incredibly weak the latter was? Torque is even weaker. I doubt a plot synopsis would fill one side of a single sheet of paper - double spaced. Not only do you have to suspend your disbelief, but any knowledge of physics you have picked up since, say, the third grade. Not only did they do as lot of the stunts using CGI, but they did it using BAD CGI. And it was so obvious. They used CGI to let them do impossible stunts - the problem is they still look impossible! Momentum? What's that? And the final chase and ludicrous speed? It was filmed in Hyper-Blur-Jerky-O-Vision and it looked terrible. It was so blurred and jerky that just following it was hard - and by that point I suppose I didn't really care.

As people were filing out I heard someone say "That was the worst movie I've ever seen." I wouldn't go that far - but then, I've seen some hideously bad movies. I will say I wasted my money on this. I was hoping for some light eye candy to turn my brain off for a bit. But the writing was so bad and the stunts so ludicrous that I couldn't enjoy it - and the cinematography was so weak that it wasn't even good eye candy.

Jesse James (of West Coast Choppers and Monster Garage fame) had a brief cameo, and even that was handled stupidly - he looked embarassed to be there too. There was completely gratuitous T&A, and that's an understatement. I don't mean just that the women involved in the 'story' where flaunted, I mean they had pointless shots of women washing bikes, hosing each other, etc. "I know this movie is weak, maybe I can distract them with T&A!" And all the guys were just so unbelievably macho. Oh, and the cat fight between Good Girl and Bad Bitch on bikes at speed was just so very pointless.

Do not see this movie.
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Screwed!

Swinging

Just as I was driving home from that waste of time, Torque, I suddenly felt profoundly lonely. Ugh.
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Zoner en fuego!

Another tidbit from the movie outing

Oh, there was one other thing from the movie last night - one of the previews was for Starsky and Hutch, starting Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson. Yes, obviously a comedy. I'm torn about this one. I mean, the original show seems kind of campy now, and I did like the Dragnet movie - which was a comedy based on a serious TV show. (OK, so Dragnet is kind of funny just because Jack Webb is so stiff, but it wasn't meant to be funny.) But it looks like they really played it for slapstick. Though I did think that casting Snoop Dogg as Huggy Bear is some kind of stroke of genius.
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