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Torque-d off - MegaZone's Safety Valve
The Ramblings of a Damaged Mind
zonereyrie
zonereyrie
Torque-d off
OK, I did go see the new film Torque tonight. It is basically intended to be The Fast and the Furious for superbikes.

Have you seen The Fast and the Furious? Have you seen 2 Fast, 2 Furious? Do you remember how incredibly weak the latter was? Torque is even weaker. I doubt a plot synopsis would fill one side of a single sheet of paper - double spaced. Not only do you have to suspend your disbelief, but any knowledge of physics you have picked up since, say, the third grade. Not only did they do as lot of the stunts using CGI, but they did it using BAD CGI. And it was so obvious. They used CGI to let them do impossible stunts - the problem is they still look impossible! Momentum? What's that? And the final chase and ludicrous speed? It was filmed in Hyper-Blur-Jerky-O-Vision and it looked terrible. It was so blurred and jerky that just following it was hard - and by that point I suppose I didn't really care.

As people were filing out I heard someone say "That was the worst movie I've ever seen." I wouldn't go that far - but then, I've seen some hideously bad movies. I will say I wasted my money on this. I was hoping for some light eye candy to turn my brain off for a bit. But the writing was so bad and the stunts so ludicrous that I couldn't enjoy it - and the cinematography was so weak that it wasn't even good eye candy.

Jesse James (of West Coast Choppers and Monster Garage fame) had a brief cameo, and even that was handled stupidly - he looked embarassed to be there too. There was completely gratuitous T&A, and that's an understatement. I don't mean just that the women involved in the 'story' where flaunted, I mean they had pointless shots of women washing bikes, hosing each other, etc. "I know this movie is weak, maybe I can distract them with T&A!" And all the guys were just so unbelievably macho. Oh, and the cat fight between Good Girl and Bad Bitch on bikes at speed was just so very pointless.

Do not see this movie.

I am: taken
Current Media: TiVo: Static Shock

5 STDOUT || STDIN
Comments
From: (Anonymous) Date: January 18th, 2004 07:52 am (UTC) (Direct Link)
Yeah, that's no surprize there for me just watching the TV trailer was enough for me to decide: 'Y'right all of those stunts are possible'. I mean was someone playing Need For Speed: Underground with the "motion-blur" turned on for _way_ too long.

As for the turbine bike, shouldn't a obvious pressurewave as shown made that beastie impossible to ride with average human reflexes?

--Rod.H
From: ninjarat Date: January 18th, 2004 03:07 pm (UTC) (Direct Link)
Prolly (haven't seen the movie).

Turbine bikes aren't fiction, though. Jay Leno rides a MTT Y2K Turbine bike. What footage I've seen of him riding does not include any visible pressure waves, though.
From: (Anonymous) Date: January 20th, 2004 12:43 am (UTC) (Direct Link)
It was the speeds implied by such pressure/shockwave that I was mainly refering to. Speeds before only seen, by me, done on film by Priss in her Hardsuit riding the Highway Star.

Yes, turbine bikes are real, so are bikes that can do 300+ Km/h (Hayabusa), but riding one of them at speeds in crowded streets that produce a pressurewave that breaks car windows? Pull the soddin' other one, a Coyote-like running up the back of a bus or simliar would be a RL result with just a small error by anyone.

I just worry that some day that a Darwin candiate will see this film and decide "I got dat bike" & "Og, can do dat", I'm not worring for the imbacile just the poor sod they're gonna run into when they goof up.

--Rod.H
mackys From: mackys Date: January 18th, 2004 09:56 am (UTC) (Direct Link)

Damn.

Thanks for the warning. I was hoping that even though it was stupid, it would at least be fun. (ala Mortal Kombat.) Sadly not the case...


-Ben
zonereyrie From: zonereyrie Date: January 18th, 2004 11:54 am (UTC) (Direct Link)
More like Mortal Kombat 2.
5 STDOUT || STDIN