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Unintentional offense - and trying not to offend - how do you handle this?
bouncingleaf From: bouncingleaf Date: March 26th, 2003 10:42 pm (UTC) (Direct Link)
Does anyone else worry about shit like this, or any I just oddly obsessing over a minor issue?

Yeah, I obsessed about this for a while.

Almost none of my posts are "friends only" - they are either public or custom. I have a group for people whose journals I read, a group for non-people (communities, syndicated feeds), and a handful of custom groups. I have one custom group that is essentially everyone on my friends list. I don't have a reason for this, but it seemed like it might come in handy some day.

If people "friend" me, and I know them in real life, chances are good I will respond in kind, if I notice. They may or may not be included in the list of journals I read. They may or may not be included in one or more of my custom groups.

So in my case, whether or not someone is on my friends list is almost entirely insignificant, as it alone neither leads me to read the person's journal, nor grants the person any privileges in my journal. :) Given that, I stopped worrying about it.

I've had a few people get upset with me and seemingly take it personally because I didn't reply quickly to an IM.

I know one time I sort of poked you when you didn't respond at all to a private message... I just didn't know if you'd seen my message or not. Some people have clients that pop up IM windows behind other windows, and it's easy to miss a message. If I message someone and have some reason to believe they aren't afk, that's when I start to angst over it. Did they see it and find it unworthy of response? Did they not see my message at all? Did they see it, but haven't had the spare cycles yet to reply? Did I piss them off? If I poke them, will I come across as rushing or nagging or whining? If I don't, will the person just miss my message entirely? Will they say "why didn't you say something earlier?" or "geez, give me a minute, okay?" or "glad you said something, I didn't even see this," or "yeah, uh, I *noticed* that you were messaging me, I was *ignoring you*"?

Does anyone else worry about shit like this, or any I just oddly obsessing over a minor issue?