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I should be asleep... - MegaZone's Safety Valve
The Ramblings of a Damaged Mind
zonereyrie
zonereyrie
I should be asleep...
I was very tired earlier but then my mind revved up and I coudln't sleep, but I'm gonna try again in a minute...

mere came over for a while and we cuddled and talked for a bit and that helped me feel a lot better. I'm just drained physically and emotionally from the trip - days of not enough sleep and LOTS of walking, and then the news of my dad just hit me. I've been up and down a lot the past couple of days. I know my parents are mortal, I just really don't like thinking about it. Having to do the stuff with them a few months ago regarding their estate planning kind of weirded me out and it's been in the back of my mind ever since then. I think that's the first time I was really forced to deal with it directly. My parents are getting older, and we only get older for so long... I've also been putting off my own estate planning. As mere has pointed out to me a few times - I have a LOT of *stuff*. I have no will at this time. I really need to make out a will and take care of the fiddly bits. Hell, no one but me even knows all my accounts and where they are, etc. It was a bit simpler when I lived with friends - I had a standing order, if I died all my stuff was THEIR stuff when anyone asked. Take it, move it, hide it - whatever. I didn't want the state laying claim to anything, and most of my stuff is media so it is readily dispersed.

Still, I really want to make sure Gryph and the Gweeps get first crack at my stuff to take what they want, and I figure the SFS can take what they want from the rest. Books not taken can go to libraries. Anything left people can eBay and split the money, whatever. I need to give it more thought for a will, but that's the gist of it. I don't think there is much my parents would want from my stuff - maybe some pictures and shit like that.

The trip also has me in a kind of mixed emotional state for other reasons too - relating to work. It gave me a LOT of ideas - but I know most of them we won't be able to get to for months. I just want to do everything at once, you know? I'm like that - I get ideas and I want to run with them. But there are other things that need to be done, and management approval, engineering review, etc. I really kind of want to be in charge of like a skunk works thing - quick and dirty solutions that are still quality, and then someone else can deal with all the polishing and integration into the business systems. That stuff is dull. Plus I get that kind of overwhelmed feeling. PayPal is a big company, let alone being part of eBay, and, well, I talked to a lot of their people in the past few days and I'll be damned if they aren't intelligent, dedicated, and creative people. They have teams of people doing engineering - we have *three* people working on our equivalent stuff currently. And right now really just me since Dalip and Audrey are working on our debit card back end. So I'm feeling a bit like David facing a *team* of Goliaths. (MZ trivial - before I changed my name, my middle name was David. And I *was* named after the biblical character. I always found that ironic since I resemble Goliath more than David...) I still think we can carve out a niche, but it can look overwhelming. It just makes me feel the pressure to do even better because we have to provide the best solutions available to win the business. No pressure.

I am: tired tired
Current Media: A/C buzz

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