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Zoner's abridged The Transporter. - MegaZone's Safety Valve
The Ramblings of a Damaged Mind
zonereyrie
zonereyrie
Zoner's abridged The Transporter.
Drive drive drive. Fight fight fight. *BIG BOOM* Have sex with the babe. Fight fight fight. Drive drive drive. Fight fight fight. Win. The End.

A very silly, and fairly violent, movie - I approve. And she *is* a complete babe. Love the way they worked in the shot of her in soaking wet panties, especially the close up of her ass.

The missile flying through the house - puh-lease!

What the hell was in that last missile, a nuke? Did he decorate his home with C4? Damn, the whole thing blew up!

I love the selectively penetrative ammo. The rifles could shoot through the house at first, and we're talking thick brick and stone, but later he hides behind a door that stops heavy pistol rounds, but then in a later fight the body of a bad guy stops the same kind of rifles that had penetrated the home earlier. That bad guy must've been pretty dense indeed.

Where the *hell* did he get a parachute? The average crop duster doesn't just carry them around! Not to mention that seemed to be an unlikely crop duster. And yeah, he's going to land on a speeding truck like that - and why didn't his chute jerk him right off if it was really going that fast.

What were the bad guys driving, Pintos with Mercedes body work? A T-Bone colliision, even at speed, does NOT cause two cars to explode into massive fireballs. Hmm, maybe they had some missiles in the trunk!

Funny how just that one container had a ladder up the side, huh? And how did he manage to climb down the underside of the rig, then bridge the gap to the underside of the trailer, without becoming street pizza?

Oh, and while he was weaving all over - what was happening to the poor people in the container?

Ok, obviously not the world's tightest script - but if you turn your brain off for a bit, it is fun.

I am: sleepy sleepy
Current Media: nothing

3 STDOUT || STDIN
Comments
z_gryphon From: z_gryphon Date: June 1st, 2003 04:56 pm (UTC) (Direct Link)
The missile flying through the house - puh-lease!

Watch the trailer, and you'll see that they actually toned down how goofy that was when they did the final edit on the movie. As shot, and as shown in the trailer, the missile hits the oven because Mr. Driver deflected it with a serving platter. You'll notice that that part gets jump-edited over real fast in the actual movie cut.
zonereyrie From: zonereyrie Date: June 1st, 2003 05:44 pm (UTC) (Direct Link)
Yeah, I'd seen that in the trailer - I even remembered it from when I originally saw the trailer before it came out.

I watched it again with the commentary on and they mention that bit during the scene and said it was just too much of a reach.
z_gryphon From: z_gryphon Date: June 2nd, 2003 08:22 am (UTC) (Direct Link)
Sure, guys, like the parachute wasn't?

Anyway, I liked the movie all the same, but it was pretty damn goofy. I also made the mistake of watching it in the same sitting as Equilibrium, which is just as reachy but in different directions.

Plus, all I could think of during the bus depot fight scene was that Turkish wrestling variant you told me about that one time, so I kept expecting Statham to keep trying to shove his hands down the other guys' pants the whole time.

+5 points for creative use of bicycle pedals.
3 STDOUT || STDIN