MegaZone (zonereyrie) wrote,

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What is my major malfunction?

Why the hell am I always late for things? I don't *want* to be late. I don't think it is funny, even if I do joke about it. I don't enjoy being an asshole. I don't like pissing off my friends, or having a reputation for always being late. I don't really care for the jokes about how it must be the end of the world when I'm not the last one to a gathering - but the fact is that the jokes are only told because it *is* weird when I'm not. People just *expect* me to be late. Friends budget for the 'Zoner being late' factor, and they shouldn't have to.

Why do I continually try to sabotage myself like this? I'll plan to leave early, and I'm still late. I know when I have to be somewhere, and how long it will take, and I walk out the door late enough that I'll have to speed all the way to have any *hope* of being on time. And I'm usually late.

And then I get a nice new job, and I come in late. No excuse, no reason. I don't even know *why* I was late! My alarms went off, I got up, I didn't turn on the TV or the computer (other than to sync my Visor - no login, no web, nada - on, press sync, walk away, come back later, off). But I was still very late. It is like I just zombified for a while and lost 30 minutes somewhere.

Now I've started my day all pissed off, with myself, and stressed out.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

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